Oh Kiki

Today I went to the farm to take photos for her sale ad. It was pretty devastating to say the least. I had a lesson on Charlie, a big dark bay gelding and it was like driving a sports car. I felt like a fantastic rider. B and I had a really good conversation about Kiki and while there were lots of tears involved, I completely support her decision. There will always be another horse, another project.

She whinnied for me across the field when I went to grab her and I nearly fell apart.

it's over.

I just got off the phone with my instructor, they are going to find a new home for her. She acted so purposefully dangerous Tuesday and that's it. She's leaving. The show I thought I might ride in tomorrow was canceled (not relating to Kiki or her behavior) and so I was calling to check in about having a lesson on her tomorrow. Certainly not the conversation I expected.

I just spent a half hour crying hysterically at work in the photo studio, so if I say any more right now, it's just going to start again.

I will most likely not get to ride her again before she leaves. Tomorrow B asked if I would take confirmation photos of her. I think she felt terrible at the end of the conversation and I just sat their silent, holding back a million tears.

Now what?

crash and burn

Since my last post I've hardly ridden Kiki...there was a huge thunderstorm on Thursday so I didn't even leave the city...and thank god...B told me it was like armegeddon out there, they even lost power. I went out Saturday for a make-up lesson and to work on fitting her saddle. Our customizable Mattes pad arrived and I was eager to try it on her and figure out the saddle issues once and for all. B had me stand behind her on a stool so I could see just how uneven her shoulders are. I was shocked. I feel partially responsible for it because I have intentionally avoided her right side in training, especially at the canter. But I know it's really NOT my fault. All horses are asymmetrical, and it would be a perfect world if a medium-wide (AND VERY COMFORTABLE) Albion could fit more than one horse there. She had a full week off when I saw her Saturday but she was dead quiet. She was happy to see me and I took my time grooming her since I got to the barn VERY early for my lesson. Then B and I spent the next 2 hours trying to fit the saddle. I warmed her up on the longe line, got on and trotted her around and the saddle immediately started slipping off to the right. B came in and we removed the tack, put some shims in the pad, and started again...rinse, lather, repeat...over and over. It was, if anything, a good tolerance test for Kiki. At first she was giving B and I the stink eye over all the fuss, but when she realized we weren't heading back into the barn when I dismounted she quietly stood and watched the two of us fool around with the silly white pad. We settled on the idea that the saddle itself may be a little uneven and that it's possible TOO wide. We got fairly close with the shim-pad combination, but it still slipped off to the right. You could actually see her evading the saddle when tracking left. Ouch. B put a call in to try another med-wide saddle (this time a County) owned by one of her students. She was going to ride Kiki the next day it in to see how she felt. I am certain that County saddle is wayyy out of my budget and I know they have it up for sale since it doesn't fit her mare anymore. What a dilemma. Kiki rides SO much better since we put her in a wider saddle, I just want to keep moving forward. **Kiki was ridden in the County on Sunday with just a fleece half pad and a regular square pad and she was a superstar B said. She had a jumping lesson and was fantastic, no stops or hesitation!

If there is one thing that mare has going for her it's soundness. Reading lots and lots of horse blogs every day I feel grateful for that more than anything. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for all of the riders here who are tormented with soundness issues and mystery problems. If only our horses could talk to us -- what would they say??? Kiki is, above everything else, one of the most sound horses I've ever met -- and if she were my horse, she'd be barefoot.

But me? Well, that's another issue entirely. I am accident prone and a self-proclaimed klutz. When I fall, I fall hard...not unlike a giant sack of potatoes with no self-control. It's amazing I am have not come off her with everything she's offered in the way of goofiness, but apparently I am good at staying on, period. Otherwise, I am certain I wold have been sent into orbit plenty of times by now. Statistically, I am overdue for a fall from a horse...I had an 11 year streak once. For those of you that don't know, I live 45 minutes-hour from the farm in downtown Philadelphia. Big city, and the living is easy, er....sometimes. I ride my bike to work which is about 1.5 miles, a 7 minute bike ride when I am going at a leisurely pace. There are bike lanes nearly the whole way (though I am very acclimated to riding in full traffic patterns) so it's relatively safe. As far as bike riding in the city goes, my route to and from work is barely a blip on the danger scale...I have ridden in crazy alley cats (semi-illegal bike races around the city), to and from the suburbs in search of fine beer (once we did 82 miles in one day), and up and down almost every street in every neighborhood with buses and crazy drivers everywhere...probably my biggest fear as a cyclist is the inevitable "DOORING" that seems to happen to everyone at some point. You know, a careless driver opens the door while an unsuspecting bike rider careens into it with no time to stop. Shudder. So you would think that a woman pushing her toddler in a stroller at 9 am (granted she was jay walking) through a crosswalk would be a non-issue. HA! (Insert my bad accident proneness here) Part of being a skilled rider in the city is being able to time the trajectory of all the obstacles you have to tango with en route. Traffic patterns, cabs taking up too much space, buses stopping to pick up new fares, and the arch nemesis of bikers everywhere, the unaware pedestrian. I saw this woman scurrying across the walkway against traffic as I moved from the bike lane all the way over to the left lane to turn north...I thought nothing of it since there was no oncoming traffic and people often cross against the light...so in my mind -- as I have done a million times before -- I contemplated where she SHOULD be when I arrive at the intersection (much like counting strides) I push on making my left and WAIT!!! she's stuck at the end of the cross walk, the stroller caught on the side of the curb -- she shouldn't be there, she needs to move or I'm going to -----

----- hit her -----

bike stops abruptly (it's a fixed gear with no ability to coast)...flips over itself launching me into the intersection. I land, bracing myself lightly with my hands, and then take the impact on my elbow, hip, and knee, roll over and sit up now facing oncoming traffic. I managed to be quite graceful in my somersaulting even protecting my face and head enough that my glasses stayed on. I finally got up (and was yelled at by 2 drivers and one cabbie for being in the road) and took inventory of the damages. Skinned knees? Check, what else is new. Broken elbow? Maybe. Yikes. Another cyclist stopped to help and walked with me to my office where I cleaned myself up a little and iced my elbow all day. One thing about living in the big city...there is very good health care to rely on here, however emergency rooms are like mini-purgatories and I would almost rather amputate my arm with a plastic fork than have to go to one. Don't get me wrong, if I was gushing blood or hit my head or if there was an obvious protruding bone, I would go in a second, that's what great health insurance is for. But I am going to stick with my wait-and-see theory for now. I found a few more points of impact last night (my hip especially) and the swelling at my elbow has gone down a bit. I woke up around 5 in excruciating pain though, but I'm not sure if I just rolled over on it, or what. It looks pretty gross, and I can't straighten it out, but I think that's because of the scab. More ice, a little more time and I will make a decision.

What does this have to do with Kiki? Well, I was supposed to have a lesson on her tonight but I think I should cancel. The little kid on me just wants to go, but I have a feeling B will take one look at my elbow and refuse. My shoulders are killing today, I guess from taking the force of the impact and I can hardly lift my arms. I feel like the muscles in my left shoulder are seizing up. Ugh. I am not sure what this means for the show either. I can't ride her again until Saturday because of my schedule and I'm not sure I will be strong enough then or if B would even risk me riding her off property injured...and well, if my elbow IS broken I'll be in a cast anyway.

Here's a photo of my elbow from last night:

I've lost my finesse

In the process of training (I use that term loosely) Kiki, I have apparently lost my finesse. I am not really sure I had much to begin with and now, it appears it has completely disappeared. I started adding a lesson on a school horse to my regime because I suspected that something like this might be occurring. I knew that by getting on a well trained horse, all of my flaws would come to the surface...and quickly! So, Tuesday I had a lesson on Bucky. He's a fantastic school horse, but not an easy ride. He's a bit of a grump and will expose your shortcomings if you don't ask him for things nicely. That being said, you could put any beginner on him and he'd trot around without a care in the world. He raced for 8 years and was a fox hunting horse in VA, coming to us from Betsy and Jackie who I spent a week with back in June. Jackie still talks fondly of Bucky, aka...King of Thunder (we all get a big kick out of his show name).

I digress...I rode in a lesson with some of the younger girls and we worked on a few exercises that would force us to use lots of small aids rather than big movements...I had a really difficult time adjusting myself to a new horse even though Bucky and Kiki are fairly similar in shape and size. I've always prided myself on being a fairly quiet rider with light hands, asking only for the horse to meet me half way. I guess after 5 months of riding Kiki around and holding her up, I have become a nagging, flailing, leaning, unbalanced mess. Everything I was doing on Bucky was TOO much...save for the fact that he needs a lot more "go" leg than she does (she need much more lateral leg aids). He kept looking back at me in frustration, but as the lesson progressed I got lighter, asked more quietly and responded by being softer and more forward. And then, our canter exercise...ahem, it was a disaster. I know Bucky can be a little goofy picking up his left lead (as in, he sort hops into it) so I figured we go in that direction first. The exercise was a 20 meter circle with 4 poles at 90 degree angles to each other around the outside


So, simple enough...trot the circle, pick up the canter and canter the circle...ha, I almost got bucked off goosing him into the canter. He's like, "oh, you want to ask me with all that leg, well...ok!" Hop, buck, canter, trot, hop...ugh...messy...try again, hop, lose my right stirrup...what the hell...I was riding like a beginner. I regrouped and asked nicely, and we stepped off into a beautiful canter, completing the exercise with no trouble. But what a mess! It was then that B told me I had lost my finesse. Hopefully I can regain some of it...I mean, how am I supposed to go in the Hunter Show ring riding like 13-year old on a bad pony? That's never going to work.

Tonight I have a lesson on Kiki and I am really looking forward to it. I am a little nervous since I haven't ridden her since Saturday, but I think she's keep it together. Our Smartpak order just got here! So we have a new adjustable Mattes pad to try, and...a SHOW HELMET & gloves!!!!!!!!

Finally, here's Bucky looking handsome at the dressage show just before he took home reserve champion...he's also our trailer buddy, much to Lindsey's chagrin as she'd rather jump off a cliff than be anywhere near Kiki. We'll win her over soon enough -- she's our semi-private lesson partner now!

I've got my eye on you

Nothing around the farm goes on without at least a little supervision from Kiki. For instance, when we were setting up jumps all over the property line the only horse who stopped grazing and watched us was Kiki. I guess that's why she's the herd leader. Someone commented on my facebook photos of her today saying that she must always be in a good mood because her ears are always pricked forward...I explained she's just a busy-body who has to know about everything. She's beyond interested.

I love this photo of her, it's Elisabeth riding her for the first time when they used her for games during the event camp. She cooled her out and walked her over to where I was sitting. Look at her expression, and see if you can tell EXACTLY who she is staring at. I think I belong to her now. Uh Oh.

in the beginning...

...I would get one good day for every 4 bad ones with Kiki. I braced myself every moment for impending bad behavior and she rarely let me down...often surpassing my worst nightmare. But, we've made progress, and one of the beautiful things about working with her all these months is that now, while she may offer up a day of bad behavior, it's generally book-ended by several days (sometimes weeks) of I'm-trying-my-best-to-please-you behavior. So, despite her antics Thursday night, where a 20 degree drop in temperature paired with a ghost town feeling at the barn led to her nearly running me over several times and spookiness that only a 2 year old racehorse might possess...I arrived to a perfectly calm, happy mare yesterday. The weather was beautiful and she couldn't have been more quiet. A nice reminder that her recovery is much faster than when we first met and than I should learn to count on it.

We had a fantastic ride, beautiful canter departs with ZERO fussiness and some of the best trot work we've had to date. I actually felt myself focusing on MY riding, rather than just training her. The new saddle has helped free up her back and she is 1000 times more relaxed. I rode her in the new fly bonnet, and as you will see from the photos, she didn't bat an eye. She did fuss a little when we cantered and she could feel it flapping on her forehead, but otherwise she was perfectly content, and I think she seemed a lot less worried about flies. Mission accomplished.

fly bonnet

It FINALLY arrived...sadly, my matching crocheted navy gloves were out of stock! So I am stuck with my silly purple ones until those arrive. I wonder what the mare will think of a fly bonnet? She REALLY hates flies, especially around her face...I hope she realizes that this is for her own good, and not just for me to live out my color coordination fantasies.

Follow up later tonight!

We did it!

Look, she's totally relaxed...er, sorta. She looks like she's part giraffe here.

I slept so poorly Saturday evening and woke up several times in the wee hours of the morning worried that I was going to oversleep. **In college I overslept for every first day of classes...I worry so much, set so many alarms, that I end up jinxing myself. I arrived much earlier than I needed to and distracted myself pretty quickly with barn chores. L went to the fair ground to pick up the trailer and I grabbed Kiki from her pasture and groomed her while my trailer buddy and her mount were working on braids. She was as quiet as could be so I felt pretty optimistic about how our day was going to unfold. I was REALLY hoping that L would load her (it's been 15+ years since I've loaded a horse onto a trailer), but of course he told me to grab and get on there. He's truly a no nonsense horseman. She walked up the ramp fine, and hesitated at the top, back a few steps (but never left the ramp), I walked back to her shoulder and she marched right on, and we left her loose in the first two spots. Bucky was loaded right after her and she seemed happy to have a buddy to ride along with. She ignored her hay and started moving around a bunch, but overall her travel behavior seemed pretty good. We followed behind and we drove the short ride to the fair grounds. B said that when we pulled in, my face was like a 10 year old's...wide-eyed and excited to be at a show -- she commented that she was surprised that I wasn't wearing my helmet in the car! I DID decide to at least look the part at the show grounds, I broke out my nice full seat breeches and my field boots (I know, I am nuts, I decided to break them in that day) I convinced L to unload her, since she was loose in the trailer and practically bursting through the divider, and she walked off nicely, he handed her off to me and I threw her in a stall to let her get acclimated. I gave her some hay and water, and trotted off to find B to let her know we had arrived in one piece. I tried to busy myself with other activities so I wasn't obsessing about her. I was really worried she was going to freak out when she saw her herd mate Note. For some reason when Kiki sees Note she loses her mind. Last week they had come back from a show just as I was tacking her up and Kiki practically strangled herself on the cross ties. It's a bad scene. Luckily Note's rider gets it and we did our best to keep them from interacting too much at the show. B told me to grab Kiki and hand walk her around, so I took Grace with me for added security and we walked her around a little. She was a bit of a maniac, and offered a few rears, but mostly kept it together. Asking her to stand still was completely out of the question. At this point I had sweat through my clothes and was probably shaking, so I took her back to the stall and let her relax a little more. Four of the horses (including Note) were trailered back to the farm and I knew we had a solid chance a good behavior with her gone. We had a little break between everyone's dressage rides so I scurried off to get her tacked up and the other horse stabled was going to join us as we walked down to the warm up area. She was dead quiet in the stall now, happily chomping on hay and almost sleeping while I got her ready. She practically tip-toed as we walked down and there was plenty of head shaking/smacking me with her full cheek bit as we continued. I had already brought her lunge stuff to the warm up and B came with me (I was admittedly very nervous). I asked her to lunge Kiki so I could see how she was feeling and not get wrapped up in her goofy behavior. She acted up a little, ever offering a few well placed kicks in B's direction. But she settled in eventually and seemed to be listening. I was still really nervous to get on, and B had to go help the other girls warm up for their tests. I was stuck with the wild pony and Grace. I had hoped that maybe Grace could get on and ride her a little before I had to, but B didn't want Grace riding her unattended so she said, "you can hand walk her until I'm done, or get on". Obviously I would rather be on her than on the ground (she's soooo much worse on the ground)...So Grace held her and I got on...um, eventually...you see, between the full seat breeches and the boots I was quite as flexible and had to lift my foot into the stirrup(not recommended with a wild pony), but I got on and walked her off, Grace let us go and we just got right to work. She had plenty of moments where she trotted around like a giraffe and hollered for friend, but I just kept her moving. She started to settle in and let out a few good releases. B was watching (secretly) and told us we were doing great! We trotted around for awhile and then B asked me to walk her up to the waiting area and ask her to stand. Well, easier said than done. She wanted NO part in standing still. She pranced around and side stepped all over the place, but I just kept circling and asking for her to stand. Eventually she compromised by standing parallel to the dressage ring, so she had a clear view of the stables and the trailers. Such a princess.

Despite having a look on my face of impending vomit, I was quite happy with how she behaved since she didn't offer any behavior that was new. She acted as bad as she has at home, but not the worst she has ever been. I understand her bad behavior now enough to deal with it. Does she still scare me sometimes? Certainly. But I have to trust that I can handle it. I also have to trust that B is never going to over face me. She knows I can handle the mare, and that I can ride. I need to stop doubting myself and just get on and ride. That needs to be my mantra. Stop being a wimp Niamh -- get on and ride.

I loaded her at the end of the day and she was fantastic, this time she was clipped in like a normal horse! I unloaded her when she got back and although I thought for sure she was going to burst out of the trailer she walked out quite sensibly. I put some fly spray on her and walked her out to the pasture. I turned her loose and she galloped off to see her friends, I am certain she had LOTS to tell them!

Oh Mares.

**ps. we did so well that B wants me to bring her to the next hunter show in a few weeks...and maybe bring my coat, in case I am feeling REALLY brave.

Saddle fit and our first show!

Ok, so the second part of that statement is a bit of an stretch, but...

We had a good lesson last night and despite arriving early enough to have time to warm her up before the lesson, I was STILL almost late for my lesson time! Sometimes I feel like my life is just another episode of Candid Camera. Let me set the scene...I start walking out to her pasture, a fly runs into my face lodging itself in my eye, I start rubbing with dirty farm hands as I continue walking. I grab Kiki, she has placed herself in the farthest corner of her night time turnout (it's the farthest away from the barn), put her halter on. She starts sneezing...and sneezing, and sneezing. And then sneezes a little more. She sneezed for the entire walk back to the barn with me rubbing my eye the whole way. We finally get to the arena where I had placed 3 saddles to throw on her while the other lesson was in progress and B says, what happened to your eye? And what's wrong with her? Kiki at this point has snot running down her face and is clearly trying to get something out of her nasal passage. What a mess we were. I put a smaller halter on her since B thought maybe the one I caught her in was tickling her nose.

So, about the saddle. I think I have mentioned that her back has always seemed a little sore, not sore enough to start serious bad behavior under saddle, but enough that she would flinch pretty dramatically when you take off her tack. Initially we chalked it up to her lack of fitness, then as she got in shape, we switched to a close contact saddle which seemed to free her up a little. But lately I could feel it slipping off to the right when I rode her and she's dropped some weight/gained more muscle, so it was time for a saddle fit review. What we discovered is that the close contact doesn't fit at all, the saddle I started her in pinches in the back, and the saddle that does fit is of course a wool flocked beauty (and is used on another lease horse). We also discovered that she is completely crooked. Because her right side is slightly underdeveloped everything wants to slip off to that side. So I rode her in the Albion, with a regular square pad. I got on and walked her off, and WHAT. A. DIFFERENCE. Even B, who hasn't seen me ride her in a while, said she looke 100% happier. She felt completely amazing. Typically, I have to warm her up slowly at a walk, then at a trot (without asking for much contact) or she'll run around like a giraffe...she was foot perfect. I could still feel the saddle being crooked but it was glaringly obvious that Kiki was MUCH happier. I told B earlier in the day that I wanted to work on canter departs, and I assumed that since I didn't get to warm her up before our lesson we wouldn't really get there in a 30 minute private, but B thought she looked fantastic. Off we went, and guess what? NO CROW-HOPPING, no ducking or sucking back, no leaning on her forehand and expecting me to hold her up. We switched and went to the right, and although it took her much longer to get her lead, even when I let her have a few extra strides to get into the canter, she never felt unbalanced or racing. We figured out a little trick to get her to step under and straight to get the right lead. B had me trot around and come up the quarter line, near B I would asked for a leg yield left towards the rail and once she was there, ask for the right lead canter. Guess what? It worked. Immediately. Well, that little trick is now in my tool box and I can't wait to work on it with her. Part of the issue I struggle with when riding her is that when I start getting frustrated, she starts getting anxious and anticipating the next move. So, say we've blown a couple of canter transitions, she finds it VERY hard to come back to a nice steady trot...by incorporating the leg yield it gives her something to focus on, to regain straightness, and sets her up for success.

I was so pleased with her. B told me we are ready for our first off property adventure. The girls have their dressage championships this Sunday and she said she has room in the trailer. It's a very low pressure situation, a relatively quiet show environment, with horses she trusts, and stalls in case she gets nuts. B told me I don't even have to ride her if I don't want to, but to plan on lunging her and hacking her around if she's doing well. It's a baby step (for both of us, I haven't shown since I was a teenager), but it's a big move forward. if I can get her to some shows this fall, I think we'll be in good shape. B is curious to see how she will be throughout the fall and if she keeps it together. I think if I can keep riding her regularly through the winter, she's going to come out a champ in the Spring. I don't want her to lose her fitness, and since we have a nice indoor, there's no reason I can't keep her going!

So, I decided that we will go. We'll go and we'll do it together. It will be an adventure. The first of many.

I love that mare.

Failboat

This post is for Jane over at http://theliteraryhorse.wordpress.com/

Outtakes from my shoot last week. For every good photo there were about 50 bad ones, poor exposure, composition, and general horse posing fail.

















**In other news, I have my first lesson in three weeks with Kiki tomorrow. She's been just a dream to ride lately so I am hoping B pushes us a bit -- canter transitions, ahoy!