in the beginning...

...I would get one good day for every 4 bad ones with Kiki. I braced myself every moment for impending bad behavior and she rarely let me down...often surpassing my worst nightmare. But, we've made progress, and one of the beautiful things about working with her all these months is that now, while she may offer up a day of bad behavior, it's generally book-ended by several days (sometimes weeks) of I'm-trying-my-best-to-please-you behavior. So, despite her antics Thursday night, where a 20 degree drop in temperature paired with a ghost town feeling at the barn led to her nearly running me over several times and spookiness that only a 2 year old racehorse might possess...I arrived to a perfectly calm, happy mare yesterday. The weather was beautiful and she couldn't have been more quiet. A nice reminder that her recovery is much faster than when we first met and than I should learn to count on it.

We had a fantastic ride, beautiful canter departs with ZERO fussiness and some of the best trot work we've had to date. I actually felt myself focusing on MY riding, rather than just training her. The new saddle has helped free up her back and she is 1000 times more relaxed. I rode her in the new fly bonnet, and as you will see from the photos, she didn't bat an eye. She did fuss a little when we cantered and she could feel it flapping on her forehead, but otherwise she was perfectly content, and I think she seemed a lot less worried about flies. Mission accomplished.

fly bonnet

It FINALLY arrived...sadly, my matching crocheted navy gloves were out of stock! So I am stuck with my silly purple ones until those arrive. I wonder what the mare will think of a fly bonnet? She REALLY hates flies, especially around her face...I hope she realizes that this is for her own good, and not just for me to live out my color coordination fantasies.

Follow up later tonight!

We did it!

Look, she's totally relaxed...er, sorta. She looks like she's part giraffe here.

I slept so poorly Saturday evening and woke up several times in the wee hours of the morning worried that I was going to oversleep. **In college I overslept for every first day of classes...I worry so much, set so many alarms, that I end up jinxing myself. I arrived much earlier than I needed to and distracted myself pretty quickly with barn chores. L went to the fair ground to pick up the trailer and I grabbed Kiki from her pasture and groomed her while my trailer buddy and her mount were working on braids. She was as quiet as could be so I felt pretty optimistic about how our day was going to unfold. I was REALLY hoping that L would load her (it's been 15+ years since I've loaded a horse onto a trailer), but of course he told me to grab and get on there. He's truly a no nonsense horseman. She walked up the ramp fine, and hesitated at the top, back a few steps (but never left the ramp), I walked back to her shoulder and she marched right on, and we left her loose in the first two spots. Bucky was loaded right after her and she seemed happy to have a buddy to ride along with. She ignored her hay and started moving around a bunch, but overall her travel behavior seemed pretty good. We followed behind and we drove the short ride to the fair grounds. B said that when we pulled in, my face was like a 10 year old's...wide-eyed and excited to be at a show -- she commented that she was surprised that I wasn't wearing my helmet in the car! I DID decide to at least look the part at the show grounds, I broke out my nice full seat breeches and my field boots (I know, I am nuts, I decided to break them in that day) I convinced L to unload her, since she was loose in the trailer and practically bursting through the divider, and she walked off nicely, he handed her off to me and I threw her in a stall to let her get acclimated. I gave her some hay and water, and trotted off to find B to let her know we had arrived in one piece. I tried to busy myself with other activities so I wasn't obsessing about her. I was really worried she was going to freak out when she saw her herd mate Note. For some reason when Kiki sees Note she loses her mind. Last week they had come back from a show just as I was tacking her up and Kiki practically strangled herself on the cross ties. It's a bad scene. Luckily Note's rider gets it and we did our best to keep them from interacting too much at the show. B told me to grab Kiki and hand walk her around, so I took Grace with me for added security and we walked her around a little. She was a bit of a maniac, and offered a few rears, but mostly kept it together. Asking her to stand still was completely out of the question. At this point I had sweat through my clothes and was probably shaking, so I took her back to the stall and let her relax a little more. Four of the horses (including Note) were trailered back to the farm and I knew we had a solid chance a good behavior with her gone. We had a little break between everyone's dressage rides so I scurried off to get her tacked up and the other horse stabled was going to join us as we walked down to the warm up area. She was dead quiet in the stall now, happily chomping on hay and almost sleeping while I got her ready. She practically tip-toed as we walked down and there was plenty of head shaking/smacking me with her full cheek bit as we continued. I had already brought her lunge stuff to the warm up and B came with me (I was admittedly very nervous). I asked her to lunge Kiki so I could see how she was feeling and not get wrapped up in her goofy behavior. She acted up a little, ever offering a few well placed kicks in B's direction. But she settled in eventually and seemed to be listening. I was still really nervous to get on, and B had to go help the other girls warm up for their tests. I was stuck with the wild pony and Grace. I had hoped that maybe Grace could get on and ride her a little before I had to, but B didn't want Grace riding her unattended so she said, "you can hand walk her until I'm done, or get on". Obviously I would rather be on her than on the ground (she's soooo much worse on the ground)...So Grace held her and I got on...um, eventually...you see, between the full seat breeches and the boots I was quite as flexible and had to lift my foot into the stirrup(not recommended with a wild pony), but I got on and walked her off, Grace let us go and we just got right to work. She had plenty of moments where she trotted around like a giraffe and hollered for friend, but I just kept her moving. She started to settle in and let out a few good releases. B was watching (secretly) and told us we were doing great! We trotted around for awhile and then B asked me to walk her up to the waiting area and ask her to stand. Well, easier said than done. She wanted NO part in standing still. She pranced around and side stepped all over the place, but I just kept circling and asking for her to stand. Eventually she compromised by standing parallel to the dressage ring, so she had a clear view of the stables and the trailers. Such a princess.

Despite having a look on my face of impending vomit, I was quite happy with how she behaved since she didn't offer any behavior that was new. She acted as bad as she has at home, but not the worst she has ever been. I understand her bad behavior now enough to deal with it. Does she still scare me sometimes? Certainly. But I have to trust that I can handle it. I also have to trust that B is never going to over face me. She knows I can handle the mare, and that I can ride. I need to stop doubting myself and just get on and ride. That needs to be my mantra. Stop being a wimp Niamh -- get on and ride.

I loaded her at the end of the day and she was fantastic, this time she was clipped in like a normal horse! I unloaded her when she got back and although I thought for sure she was going to burst out of the trailer she walked out quite sensibly. I put some fly spray on her and walked her out to the pasture. I turned her loose and she galloped off to see her friends, I am certain she had LOTS to tell them!

Oh Mares.

**ps. we did so well that B wants me to bring her to the next hunter show in a few weeks...and maybe bring my coat, in case I am feeling REALLY brave.

Saddle fit and our first show!

Ok, so the second part of that statement is a bit of an stretch, but...

We had a good lesson last night and despite arriving early enough to have time to warm her up before the lesson, I was STILL almost late for my lesson time! Sometimes I feel like my life is just another episode of Candid Camera. Let me set the scene...I start walking out to her pasture, a fly runs into my face lodging itself in my eye, I start rubbing with dirty farm hands as I continue walking. I grab Kiki, she has placed herself in the farthest corner of her night time turnout (it's the farthest away from the barn), put her halter on. She starts sneezing...and sneezing, and sneezing. And then sneezes a little more. She sneezed for the entire walk back to the barn with me rubbing my eye the whole way. We finally get to the arena where I had placed 3 saddles to throw on her while the other lesson was in progress and B says, what happened to your eye? And what's wrong with her? Kiki at this point has snot running down her face and is clearly trying to get something out of her nasal passage. What a mess we were. I put a smaller halter on her since B thought maybe the one I caught her in was tickling her nose.

So, about the saddle. I think I have mentioned that her back has always seemed a little sore, not sore enough to start serious bad behavior under saddle, but enough that she would flinch pretty dramatically when you take off her tack. Initially we chalked it up to her lack of fitness, then as she got in shape, we switched to a close contact saddle which seemed to free her up a little. But lately I could feel it slipping off to the right when I rode her and she's dropped some weight/gained more muscle, so it was time for a saddle fit review. What we discovered is that the close contact doesn't fit at all, the saddle I started her in pinches in the back, and the saddle that does fit is of course a wool flocked beauty (and is used on another lease horse). We also discovered that she is completely crooked. Because her right side is slightly underdeveloped everything wants to slip off to that side. So I rode her in the Albion, with a regular square pad. I got on and walked her off, and WHAT. A. DIFFERENCE. Even B, who hasn't seen me ride her in a while, said she looke 100% happier. She felt completely amazing. Typically, I have to warm her up slowly at a walk, then at a trot (without asking for much contact) or she'll run around like a giraffe...she was foot perfect. I could still feel the saddle being crooked but it was glaringly obvious that Kiki was MUCH happier. I told B earlier in the day that I wanted to work on canter departs, and I assumed that since I didn't get to warm her up before our lesson we wouldn't really get there in a 30 minute private, but B thought she looked fantastic. Off we went, and guess what? NO CROW-HOPPING, no ducking or sucking back, no leaning on her forehand and expecting me to hold her up. We switched and went to the right, and although it took her much longer to get her lead, even when I let her have a few extra strides to get into the canter, she never felt unbalanced or racing. We figured out a little trick to get her to step under and straight to get the right lead. B had me trot around and come up the quarter line, near B I would asked for a leg yield left towards the rail and once she was there, ask for the right lead canter. Guess what? It worked. Immediately. Well, that little trick is now in my tool box and I can't wait to work on it with her. Part of the issue I struggle with when riding her is that when I start getting frustrated, she starts getting anxious and anticipating the next move. So, say we've blown a couple of canter transitions, she finds it VERY hard to come back to a nice steady trot...by incorporating the leg yield it gives her something to focus on, to regain straightness, and sets her up for success.

I was so pleased with her. B told me we are ready for our first off property adventure. The girls have their dressage championships this Sunday and she said she has room in the trailer. It's a very low pressure situation, a relatively quiet show environment, with horses she trusts, and stalls in case she gets nuts. B told me I don't even have to ride her if I don't want to, but to plan on lunging her and hacking her around if she's doing well. It's a baby step (for both of us, I haven't shown since I was a teenager), but it's a big move forward. if I can get her to some shows this fall, I think we'll be in good shape. B is curious to see how she will be throughout the fall and if she keeps it together. I think if I can keep riding her regularly through the winter, she's going to come out a champ in the Spring. I don't want her to lose her fitness, and since we have a nice indoor, there's no reason I can't keep her going!

So, I decided that we will go. We'll go and we'll do it together. It will be an adventure. The first of many.

I love that mare.

Failboat

This post is for Jane over at http://theliteraryhorse.wordpress.com/

Outtakes from my shoot last week. For every good photo there were about 50 bad ones, poor exposure, composition, and general horse posing fail.

















**In other news, I have my first lesson in three weeks with Kiki tomorrow. She's been just a dream to ride lately so I am hoping B pushes us a bit -- canter transitions, ahoy!

a few impromptu portraits from today's session

Maggie:




Charlie:



Arizona:


*excuse the dirty halters and un-groomed ponies

it's called a payment plan

That's what B said when I mentioned that I was just going to have to figure out a way to purchase Kiki.

You see, even though she's not exactly the horse I would want (if I had an unlimited budget, etc), she IS a horse I feel very connected to. One that I can see a future with. And, well...much like Hugo, she may have decided that I belong to HER.

*tomorrow I get to teach the event girls photography! I have some fun ideas planned.

distractions

Since the weekend I have been trying to fight off the blues by helping out around the farm in preparation for the event camp going on next week. It's not that I don't want to ride Kiki anymore, but I feel funny. I think taking a lesson (tomorrow) on her will help get me back into things. We had been spending so much time alone over the last few weeks and I felt like we were in this special place -- hearing about her possibly going up for sale sort of threw a wrench in that progress. I know, she's probably not going anywhere right now and I need to stop worrying, but this whole thing has me off track. It doesn't help that I think I suffer from seasonal affective disorder of the summer variety.

In the meantime, I have been building cross country fences with B all over the farm! We've been having so much fun together and with all of hers years of experience and my creativity I think we've come up with some neat (and inviting) fences for the girls to hop over. I am going to take some photos tomorrow of everything we put together. I think Kiki and I are going to test the striding on some of the small stuff too. Since I have been helping out (and B knows how much I love XC jumping) she's letting me ride one of the seasoned horses on the XC jump day! I am excited to join their camp and get to school some fun fences! Let's hope I remember how to jump, Kiki more or less heaves herself over anything smaller than 2 feet.

I am also teaching a segment on equine photography! Oh, and I am making ribbons for a little mini-event they will have at the end of camp -- I know you can get inexpensive ones from all sorts of places, but I wanted to make really silly ones. Pictures of those to follow too!

torn apart

I have been trying to figure out a way to write about this all weekend. I guess I should just start somewhere.

B told me Saturday that they are going to sell Kiki. We were having a conversation about her and how well she did in the lesson on Thursday and she just kinda switched gears and blurted it out. She said she can't imagine her ever being a successful addition to their lesson program and that ultimately without one consistent rider she will always be a liability. She referenced the times she has kicked people in the past and that she's unpredictable at best. And despite having me as a potential rider for her indefinitely, she said that she is taking up resources that would be better invested in a more reliable horse -- they actually have a new pony coming at the end of the month.

Ultimately, it's not a surprise to me that they would want to sell her. She is one of two homebreds and she just pales in comparison to a leggy 16.3 dark bay gelding. She has put lots of time, effort, and money into him and Kiki has been left in a pasture. They might both be 6 but she hasn't had nearly the same training as he has. But she's sound, she's an easy keeper, and overall she has tons of athletic potential. She would make a great horse for someone, someone like me.

Because of our conversation, my mind has been in a flurry thinking about it. There's no real market for horse sales right now, and she's not even close to being ready for marketing, but B is planning on getting on her soon and polishing her up. I think that worst case scenario, they put her up for sale before winter, otherwise she'll probably have to wait until next spring (she looks pretty terrible in the winter). So, I am guessing I will at least have another couple of months to work with her, maybe get her to a few shows to put some mileage on her.

There's a pit of dread in my stomach thinking about my journey with her having an end point. Realistically, I knew there would be...either my "lease" would end when she could be ridden safely, or she would get sold. I keep thinking maybe I am doing a terrible job with her, or she's not moving along as fast as they would like. I've been beating myself up a lot about her. Although B did say I would have first option to buy her, I am not really sure if I could right now...seeing her leave will be a very sad day for me and I hope it's not anytime soon.

The last two rides on her were really good. Saturday she rode wonderfully. All it did was make me sad. I need to snap out of this and make the most of our time together.

*In other fun news, B and I started planning the cross country portion of the event camp happening in 2 weeks! We are going to make lots of new jumps!

She rides like a pony

It's not just any rider that can appreciate a chestnut mare. Certainly not. I have mentioned that most of the girls at the farm are terrified of riding Kiki...it's not an exaggeration. Many of the girls have seen her progress over the last few months and are still not willing to get on. But Grace, when given the choice between Kiki and another fantastic school horse, jumped at the chance. I found out later that Kiki has a little fan club. One of the girls who trailers in her beautiful bay mare has been more or less begging to ride her, and another little girl who has ridden in a few lessons with Kiki and I has also asked about riding her! Ha!

I was so excited about Grace riding her and if I am being honest there was just the slightest twinge of jealousy, but I think it came from a good place. I got there to help Grace with her tack and routine and when B left to run to the house Grace asked me what the deal was with Kiki. I gave her a rundown of what to expect and how she rides, but I knew she'd be fine. I helped her lunge her for a few minutes on each side, and then she got on. Kiki marched forward (as I suspected she would -- I had warned Grace to keep her legs off her for the first few minutes). She looked fantastic. Getting to see her from the ground with a rider who is similar to me was completely helpful. Her trot has improved so much in the last couple of weeks and it was so nice to see her moving freely, her back swinging and her little toes flipping out. She was reaching for contact and not relying on her forehand to drag herself around. They did a little canter in each direction and I was really proud of her for making a nice transition on her left lead. Grace did a fantastic job of not "chasing" her into the canter -- which I think is really important with a green horse. The switched to the right which was a bit of a disaster, but Grace stuck with her. I think she was worried about how rough she could be with her, but once she figured that part out she really rode her. At one point they picked up the right lead and cantered on, Kiki started twisting her body and nearly took out a jump standard, then hopped over a cavaletti unintentionally and a few ground poles...oops. They regrouped and worked on the transition a few more times. It was refreshing to see that Grace wasn't just going to get on and make it look easy. I was really concerned that my riding was holding her back. It's not that I wanted her to struggle, I think I just needed confirmation of where Kiki is and what to expect from her.

They started doing some work over poles and Grace couldn't believe how Kiki bounced over them, she thought they were cantering at one point! I guess all our pole work has been helping! Then they set up some small cross rails and Kiki sort of threw herself over them the first few times. They got a little bigger and she started trying to get out of it, but Grace got right after her. Then, at one point she came over the poles and stopped completely in front of the jump and fell onto her knees (all in slow motion) hit the cross rails and knocked down everything, even the standards. She got up fine and Grace laid into her. Don't you know she came back through and pulled her knees up to her chin. Silly girl. I have never met a horse that tries so hard to get out of work! She's not out of shape anymore, but she IS fat (not sure if that makes sense), so I think she tries to take the easy way out. They did lots of passes over that jump and then added a little oxer. She was still trying to be goofy, but she was jumping really nice. Knees up and even, cantering away after the fences. Good Girl!

I had been doing lots of little exercises thanks to my new books that I think have really been helping her. She seems to really like to jump, once she figures out what's expected of her.

All in all, I was really proud of her. I am pretty sure I was just beaming the whole time. Grace and I recapped when she got off and she said she just LOVED her! YAY! We are going to try to work out something where she rides her once or twice a week too! Apparently Grace used to have a chestnut pony named Jersey that rode like a smaller version of Kiki. I really feel like she rides like a pony and that's part of why I like her so much. You have to really RIDE her, or she takes advantage. I am so glad that she didn't scare or annoy Grace!

I can't wait to ride her this weekend. I think I want to set up a grid for her to work on and definitely focus on canter departs. The transition work we've been doing has really help strengthen her hind end, and she's starting to really step under herself.

I feel really encouraged by her progress!

Photo spoiler alert

Getting to know each other...Kiki looks so cute!


I adore Kiki here...she finally has a consistent trot, and Grace loved it!


Grace's first time around left lead canter -- her face says it all.

*The lesson was awesome to witness. I really needed to see her from the ground. Lots of great things happened and a few goofy things too...more on that tomorrow!

ask and you will receive

So...in my last post I wrote that I was wishing for someone else to ride Ms. Kiki. Well, today my instructor sent me a text asking if she could use Kiki tonight and that if I wanted to take the night off I could. So I curiously wrote back asking if she was planning on using Kiki for a lesson. She replied saying that Grace (who is leasing B's other 6 year old green bean) needed someone to ride tonight since Charlie needs a few more days off. I couldn't have been more excited. I responded saying that I would be happy to hack a school horse around (for some fun riding -- imagine that) and I would LOVE to watch Grace ride her. For one thing, Grace is a terrific rider, extremely capable and unflappable in most scenarios. She's seen me ride Kiki and she gets what her antics are. Of all the riders taking lessons, Grace is certainly my first pick for a new rider! I told B that I couldn't wait to come watch her ride (even if that means I don't get to ride at all!)

So...stay tuned. I will try to at least take some video of someone else riding the mare!

Hooray!

*I am a little nervous that Grace will ride her better than me, but that's a risk I am willing to take. Oh, to be 15 and fearless again!